Beer and Loafing in LS11

Almost every type of foodstuff from the mundane to the exotic is available in this largest undercover market in the country and there is a wide array of specialist units selling.

I'm not sure, but translated into English this might mean something like Leeds has a lot of impressive buildings; it's a tad hilly, but it looks fabulous. I might be wrong. I've asked a lot of people if they understand that sentence. The answers vary substantially. When you zoom in and click on some of the other "principles" it's just more of the same

That last sentence means that they are going to put the special buildings in the city centre, where we can find them. I applaud their insight into human nature. Who really needs "detached icons" like Temple Newsham, Harewood House, or Kirkstall Abbey anyway! It's all about "connectivity" these days.

My favourite sentence in the whole site has to be

Surely there's an award for that kind of imbecility? Would anyone care to look up the definition of "piecemeal?"

As an experiment I lifted all the text from the site, stripped out every mention of Leeds, and sent it to twenty friends asking them to guess where this "Unique" city was. Not surprisingly not one person had a clue. The prose is too generic, too unconvincing, too bland, anodyne and pointless, that it could be about Doncaster. Or anywhere really. A lot of people did comment on the "propeller" anology;

Most people questioned what would happen if the propeller broke down, ran out of fuel, crashed. A couple of the more scientifically minded pointed out that propellers didn't even work that way . . . and that's the trouble with using metaphors; they get out of hand really quickly and have unforeseen and uncontrollable consequences.

Not all the official sites are quite that excruciating. Mostly they are simply dull. You would think that a site called Leeds, Live it, Love it would have a bit of oomph, wouldn't you? If you're the sort of person who wants to know the current population statistics, or how many of them work in the print, packaging and publishing industries, then this site is for you. The site is inoffensive enough, but if I didn't live here it wouldn't make me cross the street to visit the place. It isn't very engaging and the only reason I've ever recommended it to anyone thinking of coming to Leeds is because of the occasional unintentional humour . . . I love this sentence in particular

Well, that really does depend on where you start from and where you want to end up, doesn't it. Like most of these sites, it's obvious that it's written by people who aren't really that bothered about the place. Any old crap will do so long as you have a pretty picture to distract the punters.

If anything the situation is even worse in my part of town, South Leeds. There's a lot of money flowing into the area. The place is changing. It's a bloody exciting place to live. You have to get there via Neville Street if you're coming by train. Fabulous place and a great looking website. But who wrote this garbage on the landing page?

Most people living in Beeston/Holbeck get the bus into town. They aren't really bothered by all the palaver about "connectivity." Town is perfectly accessible. The problem is there are no shops in Holbeck. There is no choice but to connect! They would prefer a Tescos or Saisburys on Domestic Street, but they don't have that luxury. If they want the shops they have to hop on public transport. And only one bus goes through Neville Street, the Number 1 from Beeston. The other buses, mainly used by people from Holbeck, get into town via Whitehall Road or Leeds Bridge. None of my neighbours have seen the wonder that is Neville Street. Whoever wrote the site hasn't a clue.

And where is the passion? I'd kill to have a website that looked so cool. How much money must it have cost? But for what? The information is out of date, it feels very static, and the blogs are virtually dead. The last entry on the Neville Street blog, on the day of the opening of this £4.6 million project was,

Pathetic. Absolutely pitiable. Is that all the enthusiasm they can muster? This is an international standard piece of art and you post about canapes and shoe shining! I'm embarrassed to show that to anyone thinking of coming to Leeds. I've taken people to see Light Neville Street, blogged about it, posted videos to You Tube, and regularly tweet about it. I could never link to the website though. It makes me incandescent with rage.

As does Granary Wharf. Can anyone spot the anomaly here? This is an amazing modern cutting edge development. I love The Candle House. I can see it from my living room window and it's been a treat to watch it's progress. City Inn is simply beautiful and has one of the best bars in the country. Waterman's Place looks stunning, though I'm still not convince about the wood panelling . . . probably I'm just an unrepentant minimalist, but it does remind me of palets, and I worry for it's safety every bonfire night. Still, it is a great shape, a genuinely impressive piece of work, and all three buildings are a real joy to look at and a proper boost to the area . . . and this is how they talk about it;

Count the "uniques!" And who the hell uses "without compare" like that any more, outside a vicars tea party and a Little Britain sketch. Somebody really ought to have employed a copywriter who understands the difference between compliment and complement too. And maybe a designer to eliminate that horrid, flouncy, completely inappropriate typeface. Just where is the "creative" input here?

"Creatives?" We do have lots running around the place, all concentrated in Holbeck Urban Village and The Round Foundry. I love these places and know plenty of people who work down there. I really wish they'd wake up and do something about those dreary websites though. If we are serious about talking ourselves up as a creative hub then why do the websites look and sound like shabby suburban estate agencies? "Situated between the M62,1 entering Leeds from the south, the city centre itself and the small town communities of Holbeck and Beeston Hill, the urban village is easily accessible by car, rail or foot." and "The area is one of desirability, with an increasing number of high quality amenities from lively Bars to Cafe's, all situated in various courtyards, retaining the great character and history of the original Round Foundry." Ghastly, and so unnecessary. Surely they could do something a bit more edgy, more in keeping with the ethos of the place? It just seems such a waste. Why not hire someone who has a bit of fire in the belly about the area, preferably someone who could write! Nice pictures and sedate, predictable copy won't engage anybody. Even my neighbours, who are hardly literary critics or design gurus, can see that there's something a bit amiss. And again, I don't ever show people those websites when I'm trying to get them to visit South Leeds. They make LS11 sound so worthy and humourles. It's not like that at all, so why can't the websites reflect more of the reality?

Right, I've rambled on for long enough, time to do my dinner.